Have you ever been terrified when you woke up from a bad sex dream about someone you hate? Yes, me too. So, I asked fans of Refinery to send me their worst, foulest, scariest sex dreams so I could talk to a dream interpreter and find out if they really do want to sleep with the man in the corner shop.
It’s important to note that there are still many things we don’t understand about dreams before we get into the fun stuff that happens at night. For some, dreams are just images that are thrown at you at random for eight hours; REM sleep, which is when you’re most likely to dream, is controlled by the rise and fall of neurotransmitters, and dreams are the brain’s way of dealing with these random firings. Psychotherapists, like Hilda Burke, the interpreter I talked to for this piece, and a psychotherapist and couples counselor, are on the other side. They think they work below our awareness level.
Burke says, “When we’re awake, we have the “id” that tells us things like, ‘I want’, ‘I’m hungry, ‘I want sex, ‘I want comfort, ‘I want warmth.’ It’s an animal drive.” We tell ourselves things like, “I’m funny” or “I have a dark sense of humor.” This is our “ego.” This is the part of us that tells us “I should” things, like “I should work hard” or “I shouldn’t dream about having sex with that person.” Our mind is the part that’s under all of that when we’re asleep. The id, or wants and needs, can be there too. It’s more likely to be the number below.”
Burke still thinks that some dreams are just random images that your brain is sorting through. He says that the situation you are in when you dream is very important for finding out if your dream is trying to tell you something. The same goes for sex dreams: just because you think about having sex with your ex doesn’t mean you want to break them in real life. It’s clear what your brain is trying to tell you if you dream about having sex with your ex and then want to go back out with them or masturbate over them when you wake up.
Burke tells me, “Having sex in a dream can mean a lot of different things.” “It could be an exchange of energy where you want something that person has.” What you think about sex is also important. Some people see it as pure joy, while others want to feel wanted. For some, it can mean safety and steadiness. It can also mean love. Having sex can be caused by many things, and dreams are the same. Everything will work out. The mind will come up with metaphors, and those metaphors are generally very basic and have to do with sex.